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A gentleman from the cyber group I belong to has requested that I pen something to the folks who shall be attending his “New-Comer” seminar.
I am not sure why he has asked this of me, but he has stated he respects my opinion on such matters. I have no comment on that except a generic warning to you all: Be careful about who you ask their opinions.
They are common among all humans… and everyone seems to have the ‘correct one.’
You are attending this seminar in the pursuit of knowledge that will help you to integrate yourself to the manners and morale’s of an alternative lifestyle that has contained within it an extreme prejudice. Unlike folks who are gay, or of ethnic or religious minority, you have the opportunity to run screaming into the night at the thought of placing yourself into such a position. Or do you?
Many who have been where you are (myself included) have found that what we are is something that is as intangible as it is irresistible. Something we are drawn to as naturally as a moth to a flame, and we are sincerely perplexed as to why it has to be “me”. We fought against it (despite the fun and interest it showed us), attempted to deny it as something we ‘had to have’; and yet, here you sit…reading words on a page which confirm your worst fears, and your most ardent desires.
We are perverts. We represent what centuries of morals and social normalities have declared are incorrect. In the past, people of our genre have been tried, convicted and punished for the sort of thing we do (sometimes they still are). Yet, we are prolific. We are many and we are not something that will simply go away.
There are many arguments against our ‘lifestyle’ by people who oppose the ‘immorality’ of what we represent in their minds. We do make an easy target; and these folks are politicos in the constant quest for converts and the money required to fund their self absorbing causes. Like they, there are organizations to assist us in our right to pursue our choices in the streets and in the courts. They support us, as we support them.
Those are the bad things that we see out there… the things that distract us from our primary purpose: finding someone we desire and want to be with. What are your requirements? What are your likes and dislikes? What do you expect to find when you have the things you desire and ‘need’?
These are the important questions which many people overlook in their quest for that other person. They are the roots of the destruction of many relationships; relationships that were doomed from the start, from ill preparation by the person most responsible for them. You.
Answer these before you look outside of yourself for another. These are the answers that would provide you the best resource towards your goal and in your handling of your success.
Many people are here to assist you in these endeavors. They will tell you what is good, what is bad, what is safe and what will get you hurt… But, ultimately there is only one person who will tell you what you need to know. Yourself.
You have all the answers to where, why, how, what, how far, and how seriously you will be in this lifestyle. More is not always better; less is sometimes prudent; understanding oneself (above all else); understanding our partner (beyond all others) is what we all require to ensure that we are who we desire to be.
People who live this life to the fullest often find that there is much talk of communication. Accept this for what it is. Through your talks with your ‘significant other’ you will discover things about yourself you were never aware of. Whether this is because you did not want to be, or because you were not aware enough to know.
People may offer you links to websites, literature, lectures, lechers and lyrics… these are wonderful tools to get you started, but are not the ‘end all’ and are certainly not all the answers you seek. They countermand one another, cross each other, are contrary to common sense and sometimes are simply frustrating in the way they miss the very point that you wanted answered.
People (who may become very good friends) may propose ideas, suppose intentions and impose their opinions; others may offer wax, racks, and sacks and possibly tax (if the government had their way)…. They are mostly good folks who simply want to see you succeed in this. They mean well, but they are often times more limited and argumentative about the fine points than the publications or the web sites. Opinions are rife. People in ‘this wandering’ are constantly defining and redefining themselves and their existence to meet some previously held opinion or meaning. It would be nice if this were possible… the more you know, the more you come to realize that there are no absolutes in our knowledge of ourselves and our likes. There is only what feels right to you.
No matter where your interests take you, might I suggest we take a lesson from some twelve-step groups? “Take what you like and leave the rest”. You may find that you are an extrovert, introvert exhibitionist or an extraordinary existentialist in the perverted perspective, but what you find (despite all the good references and intentions) is up to you.
Welcome to this select group. “Select” is the operative word, and may you find the happiness that has eluded you for so long. |
