| People often enhance their lives through fantasy on the web. But, when they are presenting you with their fantasy as fact, you have to be careful.
In stating their “experiences” as reality, they are violating basic tenets of the relationship they are establishing with you through lies, deceit, and building their own ego at the potential relationship’s expense.
If someone speaks to you about any of the following, you have a right to be suspicious about what they are saying:
1. They belonged to, were trained at, or are associated with a “House” where BDSM has been practiced for (decades, centuries, millennia).
2. They are “Old Guard” (trained, taught, or raised)
3. They were raised in the “Life”.
4. They have been in this since (some age in adolescence)
5. They generally brag about their years in the life, but their knowledge all seems to come from some old site that no longer exists like www.Castlerealm.com or some other equally basic and simplistic source.*
6. They make claims and state “facts” that later they deny, or, that later become blurred with retelling.
7. Their statements do not “jibe” one day to the next.
8. They make blatant assertions that you know are not right.
9. They claim that someone you know well is lying to you.
10. They tell you to not talk to a relative, close friend, or partner or to associate with them.
11. They make allegations about their life beyond BDSM that are not provable (i.e.: I danced with Jennifer Grey in the movie ‘Dirty Dancing’ under an assumed name)
12. They declare anyone belonging to a BDSM organization (a legitimate one) is a poser, fake, wanna-be, etc.
13. They declare anyone who goes to leather clubs or bars is a fake, poser, wanna-be, etc.
14. If you question their motives, statements, intents, plans, desires, etc., then you are not a “True” or “real” submissive or Dominant.
15. If you question their motives, statements, intents, plans, desires, etc. then they attack you verbally or slander you.
16. If they insist that you have to trust them completely, when you have no real reason to (especially in the first few conversations), be very careful of this person.
17. If they make demands of you without benefit of an ‘understanding’ between the parties involved.
18. They do not live in any one place for a length of time and move often, for reasons that are circumspect.
19. They ask for money! (for any reason)
www.castlerealm.com was a fantastic resource for the beginner 20 years ago. It had ‘some’ information that is ageless and always useful; but as with anything, there are some things that are not true (see the article about “Houses”). I do not question Lord Colm’s veracity. He has told me that Jade was his connection to this aspect of BDSM, but, with her death his “tangential association ended.” And later, we were to learn he even admitted that Jade didn’t exist. We’re not sure whether she actually did or not, but… you get the point. |
